Homesickness

As school is dwindling down a case a being homesick is hitting me. No matter that I just saw my family for Easter or, that I am seeing them this weekend. I am ready for this long semester to be over. To be done with school forever (maybe). The will to do anything productive is nonexistent. I'm tired plain and simple. The is a verse that I cling to right now says come to me you who are weary. I am weary. So I cling to God to get through this homesickness and remember that although this earth is my home, it is also temporary, for my forever home is with God in heaven.

Well hello senioritis I believe I have met you before...

So as May 2014 draws near all I can think is where in the world did four years of college go? Have I been out of high school that long? Am I that close to being a real grown up? I know I'm a grown up what I mean is not having to depend on my parents all the time. This time four years ago I was having a huge case of senioritis, it didn't hit me until second semester. Senioritis is horrible and I don't even graduate from college until this December. I have also considered probably not going to grad school. I have been in school for 19 years. I am weary. A lot has happened in four years. I have new cousins, I'm gonna be an aunt again(shocking right? I was 18 when Haley was born and I have a new niecephew on the way!!!) my brat of a brother I graduating! I feel old and I'm only 22. It's funny because my cousin Brayden every time I see him tells me I'm old. I guess that's what I get for doing that to my older cousins. I am so ready to graduate. It's so close I can feel it(in my belly ha rise of the guardians. Other things that have happened in the last four years the Harry Potter series finally concluded (I promise you I'm sad) the twilight movies are finally over (praise God). I have made new friends and lost friends who I thought were going to be around when it was important. I have become a better person now that I look back, I have changed for the better by God working on me. Molding me into what he has planned. I have lost an important family pet. Almost lost a parent. I have lived away from home for nine months or more out of the year working at church camps or at a church. Both of those ministries are near and dear to my heart. The biggest thing that happened in the past four years is that my family finally did family photos! After 19 years of there not being any (this is pre-phillip) we did them. Unfortunately I can't post any of them online because they are that bad. Also many of my friends have gotten engaged and married! (Congrats again!!!). Let me tell you about what hasn't happened in these past four years. Still haven't been asked out on a date ( no I will never ask a guy out. Ever.) It will happen. If it does awesome! If not awesome too! Not a college drop out (close call a few times). I'm sure there is more but I can't remember. These last four years of being out of high school have been some of the  best in my life. Believe me I won't be forgetting them anytime soon!

My niecephew!!!

Phil the big senior! Number 63!!!!

Chelsea. 

Finding Acceptance With Being Single

Ever had your parents ask you about school and then they sneak in a question about if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? This seems to be happening on a daily basis when I speak to my parents. I know they want me to be happy with a man who loves me just as much as they love each other. I attend a Christian university where it seems that relationships are on everyone's mind. Rumor is that people attend to find their future spouse. The joke ring by spring is a promise that the university president puts into promise. Don't get me wrong I love my school. Everywhere I turn someone is either in a relationship, getting engaged, or married. I'm happy for these couples I really am, there is just this tiny feeling deep, deep down that is jealous of them because I want that for myself. I struggle with finding acceptance of my being single and redeeming myself in God's plan for me. I let thoughts come into my head is there something wrong with me, am I ugly, too fat? These thoughts weigh me down a lot. I look up verses finding my worth in God and try to be a Psalm 31 and to be like Ruth. I've been given a book called Redeeming Singleness and I will post my thoughts on it as I read it. I also think I am going to reread A Fierce Beauty. This is going to be a journey a finding my worth in God again. I know that He finds me beautiful in His eyes, I just don't see it anymore. 

Do I love my Family more than God?

In life there are things I have wondered to myself. The big thing that has been on my mind lately is my love for my family. Do I love my family more than I love God? I know what a silly question this is that I have brought up but, the question itself has merit. Have I made my love for my family greater than God? I was raised with the teaching love God first than family and friends. My greatest fear is that one of my family members is going to die, especially my mom. I was sixteen years old when my mom had her first heart attack a month after my grandma died. It was such a scary time and life, and as my mom gets closer to the age her father died the more worried I get. I have had nightmares of my brother who I am so close to dies and I wake up crying. Last April we thought my dad was going to die because the doctors didn't know what was wrong with him. Through lots of prayer and giving it to God the doctors figured what was wrong. We went through this for 9 months of not knowing and fear. Almost three weeks ago we lost a beloved dog in our family. It was expected but we are all grieving the lost of chelsea.

This is Chelsea our dog

So my sin has been for a while putting my family before God. God has been showing this by how I spend my time. I spend more time talking to my parents than, reading my Bible and praying to God. I have let my fear of losing my family dwindle my walk with God. This is not what I should be letting happen, letting these thoughts sink into my mind taking over my true love for God. I memorized these verse in high school while stressed about getting into college. 1 Peter 5:7 says "Casting all your cares upon him because he cares about you." And Matthew 6:34 is about not worrying about tomorrow for tomorrow has not come. These verse mean SO much more to me now then they did in high school. I can't live life worrying about when a family member could die, they are going to die someday and that is not something I can stop. So I am going to live for God and rejoice that he LOVES me.